A mother’s messages live in a daughter’s head long after the mother is absent from her daughter’s day to day reality. Whether positive or negative, these messages can stifle and limit a woman as well as affect her on-going relationship with her mother. If a daughter is still trying to get her mother’s approval, live the life her mother scripted for her, or take care of her mother’s emotional needs, she may be ignoring her own inner voice. In addition, her current relationship with her mother may be filled with distortions and struggle.
A mother imprints a daughter with her character, values, beliefs and experiences; it is up to the daughter to move beyond the disempowering aspects of this programming and find her own identity and inner voice. When a daughter takes this journey with understanding and acceptance of herself and her mother, a relationship of equals becomes possible. This relationship has the potential to become easy and harmonious instead of brittle and difficult.
Whether your mother is in your life on a regular basis or not, you will benefit from healing this relationship from the inside out. You change your relationship with your mother by changing yourself, not your mother. If you change the mother voice in your head and your emotional response to it, you will transform a good relationship into a great one and a dysfunctional relationship into a tolerable one. Or, living or dead, you can allow your mother to rest in peace within you.
Reprogram the Mother Voice:
- Become Aware of the internal mother messages that prevent you from making changes, taking risks, following your bliss, and accomplishing the extraordinary. Learn to recognize and challenge them. “Men don’t want to marry independent women.”
- Change each limiting, internalized message by creating a new message that allows you to be you and accomplish your best. Take your power back. “I want a man in my life who values my independence.”
- Let go of blame because it constricts your creative energy and keeps you tied to righteous anger and resentments. Release the judgments and work toward being happy and liberated rather than right. The judgment: “Mom has never understood and valued my independence.”
- Develop more acceptance of yourself and your mother. Understanding and acceptance free you from the past and open your heart to what is possible now. Accept what you cannot change; and move on, guided by your own inner messages. “Mom was raised to rely on a man for her security, and I choose a different path.”
- Create a new relationship based on acceptance and limits. Have understanding and compassion for your mother’s journey from girl to woman; while you develop healthy boundaries that protect you from getting trapped in her limitations. “I feel great that I am in charge of my own life; I can be a new model for my mother if she is able to see and appreciate it.”
The mother voice within you shapes your identity and affects your choices. Once you reprogram it, you are ready to hear from and express your unique self. Master this challenge, and you will speak and live with authenticity and confidence. In the process, you may develop a more constructive relationship with your mother. But, if the patterns of communication with her continue to be dysfunctional, disempowering and disruptive; you can choose to have limited contact with her to protect yourself.
The good news is that you will have healed your internal mother relationship once you accept her for who she is, appreciate how she contributed to the woman you have become, and say yes to your inner voice. A great mother/daughter bond is something to cherish. If the mother and daughter are willing and have effective communication skills, this journey of healing and empowerment is worth taking. Whatever happens on the outside, listen to and live by the voice of your truth on the inside.
Sandra Miniere, M.Ed., Personal Life Coach, inspires people to design lives that promote authenticity, excellence, and wellbeing.
She can be reached at Sandy@co-creativecoach.com or
813-994-2297. Her website is www.co-creativecoach.com.
